How a Baby is Made (Some Nudity Involved)

Via Jezebel: Denmark is very socially progressive—the first country to legalize pornography and same-sex unions—so it's fitting that a Danish author, Per Holm Knudsen, wrote How a Baby Is Made, an incredibly detailed children's book that depicts penetration and crowning.
For MM and MC. Congratulations!

Originally titled The True Story of How Babies are Made, the book was first published in 1973.


This is a baby.


This is the baby's parents, both of whom are fond of horizontal stripes.


Mom's carpet matches the curtains.


The father's definition of "large" seems relative, if not completely inaccurate, but the mother is OK with that, because the large ones kind of hurt anyway.


Danish kissing is just like French kissing, minus the tongues.


Shrinkage can be a problem for some men, but Danish kissing can take the focus away from the crotch. Magicians refer to this as "redirection."


When parents are very much in love, they hang out together in the nude.


Like all the time.


And the vagina in the middle of the father's chest doesn't even freak out the mother.


The father, however, is sometimes freaked out by the mother's see-thru belly.


But that's no reason to put on clothes.


After all, passionless nudity is natural.


But when it's time to go to the hospital, the parents have to put on the clothes they removed nine months earlier.


Because it would've been weird to drive around naked, even if they do own a hippie love van, and people in town expect that kind of thing from them.


The mother appears unperturbed by labor pains, or the fact that her doctor has blood-drenched shoes.


The doctor nervously grips the candlestick holder that he bought at Ikea, and prepares himself for the worst, in case the baby is evil and needs to be clubbed.


The baby exits the vagina kind of drunk. Luckily he isn't a violent drunk, but one of those happy drunks who just wants to hug everyone in the room. The doctor feels relieved about this.


The father, a known nudist, would like to remove his clothing like the rest of his family, but the doctor, whose behavior has been odd, won't leave the room.


The family is happy to be at home, and the father is happy to see a breast, even though he isn't the one who gets to suck on it.


Their friends and relatives, although happy about the baby, are not pictured here because they don't want their names or faces to be associated with any of this.


Real talk.


If you view this sideways, it looks like a tampon exiting a vagina, which is kind of the opposite of a sperm going into an egg. So this is like one of those optical illusion illustrations on display at the Franklin Institute.